A Walk to Remember

Yesterday, Mack, my mom, my brother and I participated in the annual Walk to Remember in San Angelo. We met at a park close to the Women and Children's Center and read a few passages and then walked from the park to the Baby Rose Garden at the hospital. Once we got to the rose garden, we listened to a few songs and passages and then planted a rose bush. Before the rose bush was put into the ground everyone got to write the names of babies they had lost on a small yellow piece of paper and put it in the ground. There ceremony was short a sweet, and had such a wonderful outcome.
You never realize how common it is to lose a child until it happens to you or someone close to you. I know everyone thinks of October as Breast Cancer Awareness month, however in 1988 President Ronald Reagan proclaimed the month of October as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. So I hope by getting the word out there, everyone realizes these things happen too often, and I hope and pray people keep those families in mind who have lost a child.

Remembering

It's been a while since I have written, but things have been quite busy and getting busier and busier everyday! September 25, 2009 was a very special day for my family and me. That was the day our sweet baby boy Hunter would have turned a year old. It's hard to believe a year has already passed! So many things go through my head such as I wonder how Hunter would look and what would his actions be like?! Tons and tons of thoughts pass through my head each and every day.
In honor of our sweet angel, Mack and I met with my parents and brother at Hunter's grave site. We had put together a sweet little arrangement of flowers (a dozen white roses and 1 blue) and a cross that said, "God bless our little buckaroo." My parents also wanted to get him some toys so of course, all little boys need a small football and a hot wheels truck! We placed everything at his grave site and also had a bouquet of balloons.
Mack and I decided we wanted to write a note to Hunter and let them go with the balloons, hoping they would reach him. We all said Happy Birthday and let the balloons disappear into the blue, cloud covered sky. We couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day to celebrate Hunter's birthday.
I miss him so much and even though I wish he was here today by our side i know he is in a much better place. I know God has a plan for all of us and I know some day I will get to see my son again and hold him in my arms! Until then, I will keep him in my heart and know that I have my guardian angel looking over me.

September: The month of happiness and sadness

So it's the beginning of September....my birthday is this month! Before, I would look forward to September, happy to have made it through yet another year! But last year that all changed. Mack and I were pregnant and Hunter was due September 30, 2008. We went in on Thursday, September 25, for our last weekly doctors visit. I had been having contractions all morning and thought "This is it....Hunter is finally going to be here!!!" (To go back a little further in the past, Mack and I had gotten pregnant once before in 2007 and had a miscarriage at 12 weeks.) We had reached full term with Hunter we "just knew" everything was going to be ok and he was going to be here soon! We went in to meet with Dr. Adams and she went through all her poking and prodding and everything she had to do to find that I was dilated at a 1 and we were ecstatic. Then the bad news! She couldn't hear Hunter's heartbeat and wanted to do a sonogram to make sure everything was ok. We went into the office, I layed on the table, and she began searching. Then there was The Look. The look on Dr. Adams' face said it all as her jaw dropped and her eyes began to water. I knew right then and there Hunter had left us to be with our Lord and Savior. We couldn't understand what had gone wrong?! Why us....why this again?! What have I done in my life that was so bad to have lost my son? Why why why why......SO many questions that no one could answer! I delivered Hunter at 10:10pm Thursday, September 25, 2008. He was 5 lbs. 9 ounces and was 20 1/2 inches long and the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my entire life! After everything was said and done Mack and I went to my parents house for a few days, where I "celebrated" my 24th birthday on September 28, and then had to bury my son on September 30, 2008. September has so many memories for my family and me now. It is a time for happiness and a time for sadness. I know that Hunter is in a much better place....better than what Mack and I could have EVER provided for him. But we miss him so much. I know he is in Heaven with so many other family members and friends looking down on us and keeping us safe. That is why Mack and I are Guardians of Angels. Because even though we weren't as far along with our first pregnancy, it was still something special.

Fresh Start

Today is my first day, in my new office, in a new town. My wonderful husband recently got a new job so we had to move from one part of Texas to another. It's crazy how so many things run through your head. How early should I start packing? Do I REALLY need some of these things or should we donate them? What should we put in storage for now and take to the new house right away? With so many things to do, rather than getting excited about something new, you start to get frustrated and worry whether or not things are going to be ready in time for "the big move." If it hadn't been for my husband, my family, and of course a few prayers to the big man upstairs, I don't know that I could have made it through "moving day." The couch was too big and the living room too narrow, so there was the question "Do we keep the chair and buy something new, or keep the couch and have room for nothing else?" SOOOO much to do! But nevertheless things worked out wonderfully! And as I said earlier, I am now in my new office, in a new town, and I'm loving it! God is great and he gives us all the strength to accomplish anything and everything in life! Just always remember to have faith!
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13